Scaredy cat!

I don't like to think of myself as a scaredy cat.... I'm pretty big on being a little bit of a daredevil... I'll try whatever (of course only things that don't go against my beliefs) basically my fears that I deal with on a normal basis consist of 

-getting into trouble- I HATE it, getting pulled over by a cop, trouble with parents, leaders whatever I am scared of it

-disappointing people that I care about- This is huge for me- I know no one likes disappointing people that they care about but for me it’s more than that- to the point of I can attribute most of the decisions in my life to trying to do just the right thing so I wouldn't disappoint people.

Those are definitely deal-able though. On a not so normal basis I deal with my supreme fear of public speaking- I mean I don't even like to say grace at dinner- even if it’s only me and one other person I really hate it. I have always felt like I am just bad with words- on paper but especially speaking. When I was little I had to go to speech therapy and I don't know I just feel like I am a terrible speaker.

Who cares though right? There are plenty of jobs which involve no public speaking, it'll be fine. Wrong! While there are plenty of jobs that don’t involve public speaking, my calling is not one of those jobs. 

*side note*Today in our pre-amped leaders meeting kam asked who is deathly scared of speaking and I raised my hand high! bret looked at me and laughed asking me why I would let him know that thinking that kam would then find a way to make me get over those fears but I wasn’t worried I have a strong enough will to get myself out of that one! BUT then he asked who has ever felt like they kinda wanted to speak (in context- preach) now if I were being honest my answer would be yes, but I whispered to bret that the answer was yes but letting kam know the combination of those two would be what would get me in trouble!

That seemed to open my mind up during worship and God seemed to use the opportunity to remind me of some things. Things like major parts of prophesies over my life that I straight up ignored, child-hood dreams, and words from Him that I kinda just laughed off like they were a joke. You see I have been complaining for years upon years about not knowing what I am called to do. Basically I have been an idiot! I was just too scared of my destiny to deal with it. I have always gone the complete opposite way because of how scared I was (and oh so AM) of the words God has given me over my life.

As super scary as this was to receive, it’s such a relief to finally understand. Now, where to go from here, and how to I topple my fear?

hmmm.... I think I might just for fun and as a learning experience try to make what I learned through this revelation into a message. That will take me much more than a bit of midnight rambling, but I will let yall know how it goes- I certainly don't promise I will post it but we will see how it turns out!

~sorry for the super long post, what can I say, that's what is on my heart, if you don't want to read then don't, I won't mind!~